My mom growing up

[Ravenness]

My childhood was very much a rollercoaster. Mainly due to my mom. I now believe she is HSP and bipolar, much more than I am. My hubby and I are currently in marriage counseling. During one of the sessions I realized just the full extent of the emotional abuse from my mom. From being a control freak regarding friends, activities, dress, cleanliness to the severe mood swings, to the all out screaming for little things or nothing at all, to all out insults to mild physical abuse. After discussing this with the counselor, I learned that I have a bit of PTS. This was a bit upseting to me at first and even triggered a pretty bad anxiety attack and bout of depression for a couple days.
I am happy to say that I do not hold any ill feelings toward her for this. Kind of a forgive but not forget situation.
It does affect my own parenting skills, whether for better or worse. I fight hard with myself not to act the same way towards my kids. This has in the past built to a point of literal explosion though, and I feel awful afterwards. I do make sure I apologize to the kids for these episodes but I know at their age they do not understand them and are very confusing. But none of us are perfect, right?

[ruby rowan]

it wasnt until i had my own kids that i realised what kind of upbringing i had. my mom always loved us but didnt know she was BP when we were young. I experienced similair things to you and agree that it is hard to seperate it out and be a real parent,the kind your kids deserve. I struggle everyday with that and am glad to hear i am not alone.

best wishes
ruby rowan
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"Money and beauty are defenses against the sorrows of this world,but neither can undo the past. Only time will conquer time. The way forward is the only way back to inocense and peace." Dean Koontz (Brother Odd)

[Adante]

I had a similar experience growing up, but my mum isn't bipolar, just really fucked up.

Don't kick yourself too much. You can only do what you know and you only know that from your own personal experiences. I think one of the reasons I got into child care work was subconsciously, so I would have a better way to parent my own child if I ever have one. It has helped a lot and when I do have a bub, it will be better because of this work.

Do either of you have a good friend who is the sort of parent you think you 'should' be? Could they be a mentor or role model for you? Perhaps discuss some of the issues/experiences with them and see how they would respond. Otherwise, bring them here and let people who are not emotionally involved help come up with suggestions.

[Chiblue]

That is a wonderful idea, Sage...

Being a parent and a grandparent...there were so many times when I wish that I had a sounding-board to go to where others would understand...and offer advice when it came to issues with my own children...

Hugs,

Chi
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